What I Learnt About Relationships At A Gay House Party

Yesterday I went to a “I Remember House” Party in Sydney, with a great mate of mine from New York.  It was held in one of Sydney’s most prestigious and well known party venues, the Ivy Bar.

Unbeknown’s to me, when I accepted my friends invitation and purchased my ticket online that it was an all encompassing Gay & Lesbian Party!  Now I know what your thinking how could I not know this?  Well unlike most people, who would have the common sense to do their Event booking-Due Diligence, especially when they are about to hand over $60 odd dollars – last minute Larry bookings always cost more.  

Anyhow … within 5 minutes of walking into the venue, I soon learn that this is one very … very Gay party.  However like many of these Gay Pride parties, they are always open to all sexuality types, so you can be gay / straight / bi / sexually agnostic (if there was such a thing) or forever virginal: if that was even a possibility at this type of event.

So in amongst the mix of sexuality types there is a smattering of straight men & women, although far and few between I admit, but they’re there … somewhere in the crowd, or so I am told!

As I take happy snaps throughout the day … yes folks, this is gay day party, I found myself in a room full of men … again!  Unlike my ANZAC day weekend though, I am this time at least not ignored; if for nothing else other than my openness towards Gay people.  

I know though, if I were to stay passed my self allotted curfew time of 8pm, I would most likely find myself in hot-tub, somewhere up in one of the Ivy Penthouses with all those open to both gender types.

Pictures From The Night


Albeit in amongst the crowd of beautiful men, with both perfect abs and perfect teeth, were some regular party goers, one of whom happened to be my friend and his group of mostly gay males.  There were a select few token & “snooty females” in amongst these friends, who didn’t take to me. Maybe because I didn’t fit their overtly toned / gym junkie mould: or maybe t’was that I didn’t get the invite to wear platform sneakers and cutoff denim shorts.

So it was the Gay men for whom I gravitated towards, as not only were they kind and considerate, but they embraced my virginal entry to this over pumped up, frenzied dance party in my somewhat overdressed and slightly ill fitting – new mesh wedged shoes from Holland. I mentioned this to one of my new found Gay friends Simon: shouting over the music to him.

A.R.T – “I was not quite prepared for this dance scene and have stupidly worn my new shoes … so my big toe is about to turn blue and drop off, due to the lack of blood circulation” 

Simon – who is originally from Nottingham-England and about to marry his long time partner Ray (a dutch man who happens to be 14 years his senior): chivalrously suggested: “I’ll go get you something to wrap it in.”

I couldn’t believe he would do such a thing. “Really, would you do that for me?” … I said to Simon, mostly in astonishment!

Simon shouts back – “Of course, why wouldn’t I.  Wait here and I will get you something to save your big toe from that new shoe paralysis you will otherwise end up with tomorrow.

OMGI am thinking, now I know where all the chivalrous men have disappeared too, they are all GAY! So off Simon goes to fetch a napkin.

He returns soon after smiling at his ability to weave his way through the now jam packed venue and beckons me over to sit down. I notice Simon has already started tearing the napkin into strips and is by now, carefully removing my precariously strapped in leather shoe. He then grabs my big throbbing toe and wraps it, then gently puts my shoe back on my foot whilst valiantly trying to tuck the napkin into my – fashionably gay – mesh footwear.

Operation Save Big Toe


I think my mouth is agape at not only how considerate this man was, but also in command he was about my care … what an angelic soul!  During Operation Save Big Toe, I ask Simon about his impending nuptials.

“The wedding”, Simon tells me – “Is to take place back in Amsterdam-Holland, to accommodate both families living overseas, as” he feels he needs to remind me “my family are from Nottingham-England, so it suits us both to have an O’Seas wedding”.

“Oh” I exclaimed, “That makes perfect sense. I must say, you seem like the straightest couple here today When and how did you meet, and hope you don’t mind me being so forthright here, but do you have an open relationship or a monogamous?” I justify this question by adding  “It’s just that I hear many Gay couples tend to stray a lot in their relationships?”

Simon says … no pun intended:  “We met only 2 years ago at a bar, and yes we are for the most part monogamous, however if we want to introduce a 3rd party we do it together so as nobody feels betrayed or left out.”

“WOW” I said … “That’s Great!  Do you pick that person together, as in agree on who that might be, or as long as you all end up together, that’s what is important to you both?”

Simon – “We do prefer to choose together, so as it’s not one sided and everyone’s happy, but sometimes I might like someone more than my partner Ray does, and vice versa, so we just try and make it work, as long as we are together”

Another double ‘WOW’ moment. “Okay … this sounds interesting”, I try not to shout over the ever growing crowd, and loudest music I have ever heard.

I do know of hetrosexual couples that do this, but it is largely shunned in our hetro community, so I am starting to wonder whether ‘We’ve got it – as in our relationship rules’, all wrong?

Simon’s partner Ray, joins us and adds.  “I don’t believe we humans are designed to be monogamous, and I am not just talking about this from a Gay man’s perspective, I am generalising about the human race.  We, and in particular males, are not designed to be with just one partner, we are animalistic by nature and therefore want to mate.”

I nodded my head in agreement, and said “Yes I have heard this a lot, even my own brother who has been happily married to his wife for 13 years says the same, but it is his moral compass that prevents him from doing such a thing”.

So I do wonder if the Gay communities pragmatic approach to relationships and the need for humans to act on their natural instinct, is the right way to look at relationships, and we Hetrosexual couples are the ones that have it all wrong?

As I was so ill prepared for such a heavy dance party, I left shortly thereafter; but I learnt an invaluable lesson on Love and Relationships from a Gay persons perspective, and like I keep saying.

Too many Rules

Yours Truly

A Real Tinderella