Have You Met Someone With A “Relationship Hangover”?

Dating in the second hand market inevitably means, you meet a lot of people with that smell of an Ex lurking in the closet, or what I aptly describe as a “Relationship Hangover”.

Now, I know some of you may think that I should or must have at least one hangover, especially considering my Ex File list (read my About Me page if that makes no sense to you).  BUT … I assure you, I don’t suffer any hangovers … well apart from alcohol related ones!

hangover

Picture courtesy of Singlemindedwomen.com

In fact, my ex is so far away from my closet, that when someone saw him and I being friendly at our daughters sports game this weekend, and had the stupidity to say; “Ooooh … you two seem to be getting along well, do you think he wants you back and would you ever get back together? ”

I responded dryly with; “Yeah, he’d want me back alright, just so he could plan my death better the next time around”!

So whilst I might’n look to have just carry on baggage for this life journey: I definitely don’t have that smell of an Ex lurking in my closet.

What then inspired me to write this story you might ask?

Well this year, I ended up attracting and dating two men who both happened to have, that smell of an Ex lurking closely in their Closet.  Coincidently … or not, neither of the women these men were still holding a candle for; happened to be their Ex wives … funny that!

So why then, would someone choose to re-enter the dating scene, if they haven’t resolved these hangovers and is it just men, or do women suffer from relationship hangovers?

From my experience, and the many hundreds of alcohol induced discussions, I have had with my female friends, it definitely seems to effect our male population more, than it does us females.

We women all seem to agree, that it is probably due to our biological makeup of pain resistance, in which of course was originally designed to help women get over the pain of childbirth; that we may be better at letting go of our emotional pain too.  After-all, if we didn’t have this biological make-up, then the human race would be extinct … don’t you think!

Now, I know it looks like I am pointing fingers at the male race here, but I am not really.  I am just trying to understand why so many men, in my age group have relationship hangovers.  

Anyway, this question did prompt me, to do some research on the subject; and in particular, why it takes some people (men supposedly), longer to get over an ex than others.

Well, according to an article I read on psychologicalscience.org which was aptly name “Why Love Literally Hurts”, their research shows that,

Physical Pain Dies, Lost Love Doesn’t

“Social and physical pain had more in common than merely causing distress – they share sensory brain regions too” and to add injury to the already emotionally wounded, they say “A kick to the groin might feel just as bad as a breakup in the moment, but while the physical aching goes away, the memory of lost love can linger forever”.

So whilst lust might wear off, according to this article, LOVE could linger forever!

Shiekes” … I say to myself, “what hope is there for those of us sitting on the second hand market then?”  I understand the hangover stuff due to the – “You know we were married with children once” – but to now add old lovers to this mix; well then that just adds a bad odour in my books.

It therefore can be frustrating meeting someone in your 40’s, when they have a relationship hangover (lost-LOVE-lingering), along with children and an ex wives club.

The Robert Evansex head of paramount pictures and the famous producer of “Love Story” – tweeted this a few weeks back;

I thought at the time … ‘he couldn’t be more right!  BUT … How do we even get from lust to love, if everyone is holding on to their past LOVES?’

Maybe that’s just the way it is on the second hand dating market, but my advice to any man suffering from this type of hangover;  Google … “How to get over your ex in 5 easy steps” … not that I am hinting, or anything like that!!!

Anyway, as usual, I am always keen to hear your story, so please feel free to use the comments section, following this post.  Otherwise, thanks for reading and until next time … keep smiling.

Yours Truly

A.R.T

2 thoughts on “Have You Met Someone With A “Relationship Hangover”?”

  1. In my opinion, women tend to fall for anyone who tells them what they want to hear, or fits a certain “type.” I see it often. This is not a representation of all women. I do not know all women, so I can only express my experiences.

    If things turn sour in their relationships, they suffer during the breakup, but find themselves being pursued far more from other guys sensing in the air, that she is recently single. They say and do whatever to catch her attention, enough so, she begins to temporarily lose sight of the ex, because of the new guy.

    I say temporarily, because she did not really take a moment to reflect on herself and the relationship.

    During her breakup, the likelihood is that she spent it pointing out his flaws and him being a jerk, versus looking at the things she did/did not do. Nonetheless, the emotional baggage is still present from the past relationship, but she will not vocally express this.

    With men, we are last to say, “I love you,” and last to emotionally commit. We are taught, “these ho** ain’t loyal,” so we refuse to tie down with someone until we genuinely feel she does not fit the saying above. When he settles into this relationship, he wants to be in it for real. When things turn sour, due to his mindset getting into the relationship, there is a scarring of sorts.

    During the breakup, generally, he has to pursue someone. He is not pursued. Like women, he also does not take time to reflect on the wrongs he committed in the relationship. Reflecting at all makes him feel “soft.”

    While with another woman, the emotional baggage comes out because talking about it with her, is akin to him really getting the chance to reflect. He directly expresses what’s at hand, versus providing roundabout answers.

    I hope this gives insight to your question.

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    1. Thank you for your comments and thoughts One Gentleman. It is always nice to get a different perspective on these matters, and whilst the question was more about having meet people with relationship hangovers, you have provided some good insight into why people have them.

      Yours Truly
      ART

      Like

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