Dating in the second hand market inevitably means, you meet a lot of people with that smell of an Ex lurking in the closet, or what I aptly describe as a “Relationship Hangover”.
Now, I know some of you may think that I should or must have at least one hangover, especially considering my Ex File list (read my About Me page if that makes no sense to you). BUT … I assure you, I don’t suffer any hangovers … well apart from alcohol related ones!
Picture courtesy of Singlemindedwomen.com
In fact, my ex is so far away from my closet, that when someone saw him and I being friendly at our daughters sports game this weekend, and had the stupidity to say; “Ooooh … you two seem to be getting along well, do you think he wants you back and would you ever get back together? ”
I responded dryly with; “Yeah, he’d want me back alright, just so he could plan my death better the next time around”!
So whilst I might’n look to have just carry on baggage for this life journey: I definitely don’t have that smell of an Ex lurking in my closet.
What then inspired me to write this story you might ask?
Well this year, I ended up attracting and dating two men who both happened to have, that smell of an Ex lurking closely in their Closet. Coincidently … or not, neither of the women these men were still holding a candle for; happened to be their Ex wives … funny that!
So why then, would someone choose to re-enter the dating scene, if they haven’t resolved these hangovers and is it just men, or do women suffer from relationship hangovers?
From my experience, and the many hundreds of alcohol induced discussions, I have had with my female friends, it definitely seems to effect our male population more, than it does us females.
We women all seem to agree, that it is probably due to our biological makeup of pain resistance, in which of course was originally designed to help women get over the pain of childbirth; that we may be better at letting go of our emotional pain too. After-all, if we didn’t have this biological make-up, then the human race would be extinct … don’t you think!
Now, I know it looks like I am pointing fingers at the male race here, but I am not really. I am just trying to understand why so many men, in my age group have relationship hangovers.
Anyway, this question did prompt me, to do some research on the subject; and in particular, why it takes some people (men supposedly), longer to get over an ex than others.
Physical Pain Dies, Lost Love Doesn’t
“Social and physical pain had more in common than merely causing distress – they share sensory brain regions too” and to add injury to the already emotionally wounded, they say “A kick to the groin might feel just as bad as a breakup in the moment, but while the physical aching goes away, the memory of lost love can linger forever”.
So whilst lust might wear off, according to this article, LOVE could linger forever!
“Shiekes” … I say to myself, “what hope is there for those of us sitting on the second hand market then?” I understand the hangover stuff due to the – “You know we were married with children once” – but to now add old lovers to this mix; well then that just adds a bad odour in my books.
It therefore can be frustrating meeting someone in your 40’s, when they have a relationship hangover (lost-LOVE-lingering), along with children and an ex wives club.
The Robert Evans – ex head of paramount pictures and the famous producer of “Love Story” – tweeted this a few weeks back;
I thought at the time … ‘he couldn’t be more right! BUT … How do we even get from lust to love, if everyone is holding on to their past LOVES?’
Maybe that’s just the way it is on the second hand dating market, but my advice to any man suffering from this type of hangover; Google … “How to get over your ex in 5 easy steps” … not that I am hinting, or anything like that!!!
Anyway, as usual, I am always keen to hear your story, so please feel free to use the comments section, following this post. Otherwise, thanks for reading and until next time … keep smiling.