When someone saw me being friendly with my ex at my daughters sports game a few weekends ago, they commented “Oooh … you two looked very friendly. Has he met anyone else and do you think he wants you back? “ I responded with, “Yeah, he’d want me back alright, just so he could plan my death better next time around!”
Okay, so maybe I didn’t say that, but I certainly thought it, as seriously, my relationship with my ex got so bad at one point, I remember saying to my sister when we were heading off on a sailing vacation once;
“If I suddenly go missing overboard on this holiday, you know he pushed me right!”
So trust me when I say, I have no candles burning in my house for my ex, however what I don’t have is bitterness or hatred, as I believe what happens in the past, should stay in the past. However that doesn’t mean you can’t learn from the past, and that’s what today’s story is all about.
When I think back about my ex and my relationship, it was mostly a pretty shitty one, that ended on no less than shitty terms, especially after a three year court battle. However we did share some magical moments, including the birth of our beautiful daughter, who always seems to help us bond, even still today. So life, is now somewhat harmonious between us, mainly for her sake of course, but also because we have both been able to emotionally move on.
However being able to understand why things happen in a relationship, even if in hindsight, helps us learn from our mistakes and hopefully become a better person. Whilst I thought most of my lessons had been learnt, this week I discovered, there were still more to come.
This revelation came to me following a holiday mishap, which resulted in my daughter and I being placed in a destination, that I was last seen at with my ex, an exclusive playground, for the rich and infamous. So in order to reduce the stress of the transportation mishap, I decided to stay there the night, which ended up costing me double what I initially budgeted for, in holiday costs.
This little misfortune got me thinking about the crux of what my ex and I would argue about, which was money mostly; and had me questioning my own perceptions of this and my once frivolous view of it all. I started to wonder how strongly I held on to my beliefs back then, or should I say my ego, and what difference it would have made had I tried to view things differently, without the ego!
I think most of us understand that the ego is the cause of ALL great conflicts, don’t we? So I wonder, if we were more able to shift our perception during the course of an argument, by putting our ego on hold, even if for a moment; what would actually ensue?
“Everybody has their perceptions of life. Who’s is more more important, is what we tend to argue about.”
I have spent the last 5 years analysing all the things I have done in my past relationships, the last one being first and foremost in mind: as that was probably one of my worst, whilst also being one of my greatest. Seeing life from your partners perspective, can change the way you view the world and could shift the ground on which you firmly stand.
So this little holiday mishap I experienced during the week, taught me another life lesson. In fact I would even go so far as to say it was a light bulb moment. I finally realised why we argued so much, and if I had of shifted my perspective a little, things could have been different today.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to, or expect it would have changed our path, as we were equally as strong willed and stubborn as one another. However a bit of perspective changing from both sides might have done us both a world of good.
Either way, it’s another good life lesson we can learn from, and as I tweeted this week:
“If you close and open your eyes with a different perspective, you understand what is going on a whole lot better.”
So life is a journey, and if we choose to learn from the lessons provided on that journey, then we can grow into better people; and hopefully take those lessons into our next relationship, with peace and happiness in our heart.
As always, happy to hear your perspective. So please feel free to comment below if you have experienced an epiphany like this, at one time or another in your life.