Tag Archives: datingadvice

Have You Met Someone With A “Relationship Hangover”?

Dating in the second hand market inevitably means, you meet a lot of people with that smell of an Ex lurking in the closet, or what I aptly describe as a “Relationship Hangover”.

Now, I know some of you may think that I should or must have at least one hangover, especially considering my Ex File list (read my About Me page if that makes no sense to you).  BUT … I assure you, I don’t suffer any hangovers … well apart from alcohol related ones!

hangover

Picture courtesy of Singlemindedwomen.com

In fact, my ex is so far away from my closet, that when someone saw him and I being friendly at our daughters sports game this weekend, and had the stupidity to say; “Ooooh … you two seem to be getting along well, do you think he wants you back and would you ever get back together? ”

I responded dryly with; “Yeah, he’d want me back alright, just so he could plan my death better the next time around”!

So whilst I might’n look to have just carry on baggage for this life journey: I definitely don’t have that smell of an Ex lurking in my closet.

What then inspired me to write this story you might ask?

Well this year, I ended up attracting and dating two men who both happened to have, that smell of an Ex lurking closely in their Closet.  Coincidently … or not, neither of the women these men were still holding a candle for; happened to be their Ex wives … funny that!

So why then, would someone choose to re-enter the dating scene, if they haven’t resolved these hangovers and is it just men, or do women suffer from relationship hangovers?

From my experience, and the many hundreds of alcohol induced discussions, I have had with my female friends, it definitely seems to effect our male population more, than it does us females.

We women all seem to agree, that it is probably due to our biological makeup of pain resistance, in which of course was originally designed to help women get over the pain of childbirth; that we may be better at letting go of our emotional pain too.  After-all, if we didn’t have this biological make-up, then the human race would be extinct … don’t you think!

Now, I know it looks like I am pointing fingers at the male race here, but I am not really.  I am just trying to understand why so many men, in my age group have relationship hangovers.  

Anyway, this question did prompt me, to do some research on the subject; and in particular, why it takes some people (men supposedly), longer to get over an ex than others.

Well, according to an article I read on psychologicalscience.org which was aptly name “Why Love Literally Hurts”, their research shows that,

Physical Pain Dies, Lost Love Doesn’t

“Social and physical pain had more in common than merely causing distress – they share sensory brain regions too” and to add injury to the already emotionally wounded, they say “A kick to the groin might feel just as bad as a breakup in the moment, but while the physical aching goes away, the memory of lost love can linger forever”.

So whilst lust might wear off, according to this article, LOVE could linger forever!

Shiekes” … I say to myself, “what hope is there for those of us sitting on the second hand market then?”  I understand the hangover stuff due to the – “You know we were married with children once” – but to now add old lovers to this mix; well then that just adds a bad odour in my books.

It therefore can be frustrating meeting someone in your 40’s, when they have a relationship hangover (lost-LOVE-lingering), along with children and an ex wives club.

The Robert Evansex head of paramount pictures and the famous producer of “Love Story” – tweeted this a few weeks back;

I thought at the time … ‘he couldn’t be more right!  BUT … How do we even get from lust to love, if everyone is holding on to their past LOVES?’

Maybe that’s just the way it is on the second hand dating market, but my advice to any man suffering from this type of hangover;  Google … “How to get over your ex in 5 easy steps” … not that I am hinting, or anything like that!!!

Anyway, as usual, I am always keen to hear your story, so please feel free to use the comments section, following this post.  Otherwise, thanks for reading and until next time … keep smiling.

Yours Truly

A.R.T

James Sama: Talks About The 10 Qualities of A More Desirable Man.

James Sama is a speaker & writer, specialising in Dating and Relationships.  He recently wrote this piece, which I found on the GoodMenProject, called: 10 Qualities of A desirable man.

I wanted to share his article, as it speaks volumes about what women are looking for in men; and although it may seem a bit like The Perfect Man List; the writer is only trying to share his thoughts on the qualities a man should possess, to be more desirable. He is honest enough to admit even he doesn’t possess them all, but there is no reason why you couldn’t strive towards it.

It’s very clear and articulately written, and I would suggest any man looking to attract the right woman, or keep the right woman in his current relationship, should consider reading this.

An excerpt from James article. 

A desirable man is well-spoken.

One of the qualities I have worked the hardest to develop in myself is the ability to speak effectively. To be able to convey emotions, intentions, thoughts and ideas clearly and concisely will provide infinite benefits to your life. Not only will you be less likely to be misunderstood, but people will actually enjoy conversing with you.

Additionally, in matters of dating and relationships, there are few things more helpful than an extensive vocabulary. If you don’t think women respond positively to how things are worded, then you’ve never heard of “50 Shades Of Grey.”

Happy reading

Yours Truly

A.R.T

 

How I Ditched Online Dating and Learnt to flirt

Theo Merz wrote this very funny article for SMH back in February this year; but it couldn’t be more relative to me right now, with my own story of being worn down by Online Dating.

Here’s are the first two introductory paragraphs from Theo’s article.  

When a friend mentioned the ‘flirt walk’ she had gone on the week before, I was intrigued. Ok Cupid, with its algorithm to match you up to potential partners; sure. Tinder, which removes any possibility of rejection from the act of seduction – great. An organised walking tour around the streets of London looking to meet prospective partners in person? It all seemed so quaint and inefficient.

But the more I thought about it, the more sense it made.There’s something a bit Rime of the Ancient Mariner about being single in London, or any other big city – people, people everywhere but nobody to have a flirtatious conversation with on the morning commute – which no number of matchmaking sites can make up for. And with every unattached man and woman in the Western World on some form of online dating, it seemed about time for a backlash.

Click here to read the remaining paragraphs of this article. 

 

Happy Reading

Yours Truly

A.R.T