Tag Archives: happiness

Why every single woman needs a Diggler, in their life.

In the search for Mr Right, or Mr Right Now, it is important to remember, and make time for the other important (and often useful) people in your life.

Shirtless working man

In the search for Mr Right, or Mr Right Now, it is important to remember, and make time for the other important (and often useful) people in your life.

I know what you’re thinking; Dirk Diggler and the movie about John Holmes of Boogie Nights fame, with his extraordinary … umm appeal … well your wrong.

I have what every single woman needs or wants, and should most definitely have; that’s a Mr Fix it who, in my case so happens to be named Dirk. So the name association with Diggler, is really just a coincidence, and only popped into my head when I thought of this story title … I have never watched a Dirk Diggler movie … or atleast, have no recollection of ever doing so.

So, now that we are clear on that part, I think every single woman needs a male friend like Dirk, whom I will affectionately refer to as DD in this article.  

Why you ask, do we need a DD then, if he’s not actually a Dirk Diggler?

Until this weekend, I didn’t realise how lucky I was to have my very own DD. Not only has my DD been a great friend to have throughout my single years, he’s always been there to;

  • Remind me that I’m okay when I’m down and out.
  • Wine and Dine with me, when I’m feeling up and out.
  • Do all the manly things we all need doing and have to begrudgingly admit our ex used to, or fail to do …

NOW, a DD doesn’t have to be an ex boyfriend or potential lover. In fact you don’t want him to be any of those because, well, we all know what happens if you get mixed up with an ex again. Imagine then if you slept with your DD, and let’s just say his personal tool box wasn’t as well … diversified, as the one he carries in his car: then who would you call?

So a great mate he is, and lucky for me, my DD was already in a long-term, loving relationship. Therefore there was never any chance of his tools getting mislaid … because I believe in the sisterhood.

Admittedly, I made damn sure that our friendship was sustained throughout my romantic relationships, no matter how jealous my ex would get at times, therefore this DD didn’t just drop out of the sky when I broke up. He’s been in my life for more than 10 years.

I also don’t want to limit your thoughts on this DD’s to that of just the tool-shed. This is every woman’s dream man, as he can do more than one thing at a time, yes that’s right ladies … he’s multi-talented, and therefore an even greater threat to his own species.

This is a man that can not only erect, I mean, assemble a piece of furniture in a flash, but likes to eat good food and drink fine wine at the hippest restaurants and wine bars, across town.

But if this isn’t enough to make you salivate with jealousy at my joyous freedom and helping man hand: this DD has a mother, who struggled through life as a single parent too. Thus the man has empathy, which – as we all may know, is very often the missing chip.

So he gets my plight and knows everything there is to know about women’s health too … god love those of us who raise boys to understand women!

Of course having him there for all this, plus to provide me with a male’s perspective on all my single life/dating woes, well need I say more!

The moral of my story is: you must keep your friends near and dear, this includes male friends, because if the ship sinks in the middle of the Atlantic, then you want to make sure you have a good strong friend with an oar in hand, to be at your rescue.

Though this is my story, I am always keen to hear if any of you have a similar story about a DD, or equivalent fabulous male in your lives.

Yours truly,

A.R.T

Opening Your Eyes – From a Different Perspective

When someone saw me being friendly with my ex at my daughters sports game a few weekends ago, they commented “Oooh … you two looked very friendly.  Has he met anyone else and do you think he wants you back? “  I responded with, “Yeah, he’d want me back alright, just so he could plan my death better next time around!”

Okay, so maybe I didn’t say that, but I certainly thought it, as seriously, my relationship with my ex got so bad at one point, I remember saying to my sister when we were heading off on a sailing vacation once;

“If I suddenly go missing overboard on this holiday, you know he pushed me right!”

So trust me when I say, I have no candles burning in my house for my ex, however what I don’t have is bitterness or hatred, as I believe what happens in the past, should stay in the past.  However that doesn’t mean you can’t learn from the past, and that’s what today’s story is all about.

When I think back about my ex and my relationship, it was mostly  a pretty shitty one, that ended on no less than shitty terms, especially after a three year court battle. However we did share some magical moments, including the birth of our beautiful daughter, who always seems to help us bond, even still today.  So life, is now somewhat harmonious between us, mainly for her sake of course, but also because we have both been able to emotionally move on.

However being able to understand why things happen in a relationship, even if in hindsight, helps us learn from our mistakes and hopefully become a better person.  Whilst I thought most of my lessons had been learnt, this week I discovered, there were still more to come.

This revelation came to me following a holiday mishap, which resulted in my daughter and I being placed in a destination, that I was last seen at with my ex, an exclusive playground, for the rich and infamous.  So in order to reduce the stress of the transportation mishap, I decided to stay there the night, which ended up costing me double what I initially budgeted for, in holiday costs.

This little misfortune got me thinking about the crux of what my ex and I would argue about, which was money mostly; and had me questioning my own perceptions of this and my once frivolous view of it all.  I started to wonder how strongly I held on to my beliefs back then, or should I say my ego, and what difference it would have made had I tried to view things differently, without the ego!

I think most of us understand that the  ego is the cause of ALL great conflicts, don’t we?  So I wonder, if we were more able to shift our perception during the course of an argument, by putting our ego on hold, even if for a moment; what would actually ensue?

“Everybody has their perceptions of life. Who’s is more more important, is what we tend to argue about.”

I have spent the last 5 years analysing all the things I have done in my past relationships, the last one being first and foremost in mind: as that was probably one of my worst, whilst also being one of my greatest. Seeing life from your partners perspective, can change the way you view the world and could shift the ground on which you firmly stand.

So this little holiday mishap I experienced during the week, taught me another life lesson. In fact I would even go so far as to say it was a light bulb moment.  I finally realised why we argued so much, and if I had of shifted my perspective a little, things could have been different today.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to, or expect it would have changed our path, as we were equally as strong willed and stubborn as one another.  However a bit of perspective changing from both sides might have done us both a world of good.

Either way, it’s another good life lesson we can learn from, and as I tweeted this week:

“If you close and open your eyes with a different perspective, you understand what is going on a whole lot better.”

So life is a journey, and if we choose to learn from the lessons provided on that journey, then we can grow into better people; and hopefully take those lessons into our next relationship, with peace and happiness in our heart.

As always, happy to hear your perspective.  So please feel free to comment below if you have experienced an epiphany like this, at one time or another in your life.

Yours truly

A.R.T

Are Virtual Relationships Healthy?

Robert Weiss wrote an article for the online magazine, Psychology Today, where he talks about virtual relationships. The parallels he draws from the movie Her, in which he describes the real emotions that are felt during such virtual relationships, is pretty spot on, and from my experience it’s real and happening today.
 

So if you do get the chance to read the full article, I highly recommend it. (Click here to read the full article on Psychologytoday.com) 

Otherwise, here are some excerpts of what I think summarises the digital relationship choice really well. Although I would beg to differ in one area, which is that it mainly only applies to the younger folk.  I have met three men in six months that have chosen to have digital relationships, and some that still are; and they are all 43+.  So it isn’t just happening to the younger folk, it’s a growing phenomena effecting us all!

 
Her is Happening Already!
 
While some older folks (digital immigrants) might find this bizarre, younger people typically do not. For them, digital life and real-world life are merely two sides of the same coin, each to be enjoyed, nurtured, and cherished, with neither side more real, more important, or more meaningful than the other.
 
So interacting on an emotional level with a perfectly matched digital creation, as occurs in Her,may not be as far-fetched as many people might think. Nevertheless, Theodore, who sits on the cusp of the digital native/digital immigrant divide, wrestles mightily with the “What is real?” dilemma. In fact, his internal debate on this topic forms the crux of movie.

Further down, Robert wraps up the article with a few very important closing paragraphs. I have bolded the reduction in emotional challenges and increase in control as I believe this is a very real reason for some people to choose digital interactions, over Real Life! 

Are Virtual Relationships Healthy?

Right about now some readers may be wondering about the future of humanity, thinking that if we’re all running around being sexual with avatars and robots and operating systems instead of each other, not much actual procreation will take place.

That, of course, is a rather extreme viewpoint. In actuality, no matter how real technology becomes most emotionally healthy people will eventually find digital/robotic relationships unfulfilling, growing bored with them and longing for the pairing of emotional intimacy with physical intimacy that (as of now) can only be found in the real world with real people. And we should definitely not forget that today, thanks to technological advances, people are able to meet and to develop relationships in new and exciting ways, which actually makes real-world romances more rather than less likely.

 That said, at least a few folks have already opted for tech-sex over IRL encounters, preferring the reduction in emotional challenges and the increase in control that digital interactions provide. And as sexnology improves and proliferates, our expectations of sex and romance will also evolve. Is it possible that at some point real people may not be able to keep pace? Maybe, but only time will tell.

 

Yours Truly

A.R.T.