Tag Archives: moderndating

Are Virtual Relationships Healthy?

Robert Weiss wrote an article for the online magazine, Psychology Today, where he talks about virtual relationships. The parallels he draws from the movie Her, in which he describes the real emotions that are felt during such virtual relationships, is pretty spot on, and from my experience it’s real and happening today.
 

So if you do get the chance to read the full article, I highly recommend it. (Click here to read the full article on Psychologytoday.com) 

Otherwise, here are some excerpts of what I think summarises the digital relationship choice really well. Although I would beg to differ in one area, which is that it mainly only applies to the younger folk.  I have met three men in six months that have chosen to have digital relationships, and some that still are; and they are all 43+.  So it isn’t just happening to the younger folk, it’s a growing phenomena effecting us all!

 
Her is Happening Already!
 
While some older folks (digital immigrants) might find this bizarre, younger people typically do not. For them, digital life and real-world life are merely two sides of the same coin, each to be enjoyed, nurtured, and cherished, with neither side more real, more important, or more meaningful than the other.
 
So interacting on an emotional level with a perfectly matched digital creation, as occurs in Her,may not be as far-fetched as many people might think. Nevertheless, Theodore, who sits on the cusp of the digital native/digital immigrant divide, wrestles mightily with the “What is real?” dilemma. In fact, his internal debate on this topic forms the crux of movie.

Further down, Robert wraps up the article with a few very important closing paragraphs. I have bolded the reduction in emotional challenges and increase in control as I believe this is a very real reason for some people to choose digital interactions, over Real Life! 

Are Virtual Relationships Healthy?

Right about now some readers may be wondering about the future of humanity, thinking that if we’re all running around being sexual with avatars and robots and operating systems instead of each other, not much actual procreation will take place.

That, of course, is a rather extreme viewpoint. In actuality, no matter how real technology becomes most emotionally healthy people will eventually find digital/robotic relationships unfulfilling, growing bored with them and longing for the pairing of emotional intimacy with physical intimacy that (as of now) can only be found in the real world with real people. And we should definitely not forget that today, thanks to technological advances, people are able to meet and to develop relationships in new and exciting ways, which actually makes real-world romances more rather than less likely.

 That said, at least a few folks have already opted for tech-sex over IRL encounters, preferring the reduction in emotional challenges and the increase in control that digital interactions provide. And as sexnology improves and proliferates, our expectations of sex and romance will also evolve. Is it possible that at some point real people may not be able to keep pace? Maybe, but only time will tell.

 

Yours Truly

A.R.T.

James Sama: Talks About The 10 Qualities of A More Desirable Man.

James Sama is a speaker & writer, specialising in Dating and Relationships.  He recently wrote this piece, which I found on the GoodMenProject, called: 10 Qualities of A desirable man.

I wanted to share his article, as it speaks volumes about what women are looking for in men; and although it may seem a bit like The Perfect Man List; the writer is only trying to share his thoughts on the qualities a man should possess, to be more desirable. He is honest enough to admit even he doesn’t possess them all, but there is no reason why you couldn’t strive towards it.

It’s very clear and articulately written, and I would suggest any man looking to attract the right woman, or keep the right woman in his current relationship, should consider reading this.

An excerpt from James article. 

A desirable man is well-spoken.

One of the qualities I have worked the hardest to develop in myself is the ability to speak effectively. To be able to convey emotions, intentions, thoughts and ideas clearly and concisely will provide infinite benefits to your life. Not only will you be less likely to be misunderstood, but people will actually enjoy conversing with you.

Additionally, in matters of dating and relationships, there are few things more helpful than an extensive vocabulary. If you don’t think women respond positively to how things are worded, then you’ve never heard of “50 Shades Of Grey.”

Happy reading

Yours Truly

A.R.T

 

Online Dating: Does It Eventually Wear You Down?

In my earlier years of singledom, when I wasn’t fending off the 30’s somethings, who were clearly looking to either snag a cougar or gain a mother figure, I was trying to work out where all the 40 something’s played.  Having a major aversion to online dating (after a pathetic attempt at it in the early stages of my separation), I finally mustered the courage to rejoin the ranks this year, starting with eHarmony then the ever so popular Tinder App.

Now to my surprise there were many other 40 something males playing in the same playground, especially on Tinder. In fact, eHarmony was so scant of any good quality anything, that I gave up on it after only 6 weeks … what a total waste of time and money that was!

So Tinder it was, however, after over 3 months of Tinderversing, I finally got to break point, where I desperately needed a rest from the Dog and Pony show of online dating. In the article I posted by Susan Winters last week, she talks about “Dating 98 men in 9 months”, and concludes it’s just not for her. Well I guess I have now come to that same conclusion.

When I first joined Tinder, a few of my male friends had warned me that this would happen. They said “you get sick of it after a while”.

When I asked why, they said “well you often don’t get to meet “The One”, more just the “The One – for Fun”; or if you’re lucky, you might even make a good friend out of it, but don’t expect to meet Mr Right here”.

So after a few months of starting, stopping and swapping conversations, I realised they were right.  Whilst the numbers were there in droves, the quality of the people I found on Tinder, were … let’s just say, less than appealing as time wore on.

It was now an effort to look, swipe and type, even with red wine and jammies for comfort. The fickle attitudes of most of the daters on this site, and their little white lies about their age or dating agenda, just became too hard to stomach.

Is this what they have warned me about, when you reach Online Dating Fatigue?

Don’t get me wrong, I met some really lovely people on Tinder, and even managed to have a 6 week affair with one, who was living and working here on a temporary visa.  However soon after that ended, due to a conflict in our dating agenda’s, I realised I didn’t have the gumption to continue the charade of looking for someone online anymore.

My experience however wasn’t fruitless, as I got to see how one of the worlds fastest growing online dating sites actually worked, and whilst it was fun for a while, the less than authentic daters wore me down.

So where too now, you might ask?

Well that’s anyone’s guess, but maybe I should take on the advice of the beautiful Stephanie Simons, who only recently launched her book, “All’s Fair In Love and Wardrobe”.  Here she provides us with the rules on Fashion and Dating; and even includes some interesting ideas, such as that of Rule 35:

Whilst this certainly made me LMAO, as I could just imagine a bunch of yummy mummies, still looking fab with their yoga trim bodies, trying to give away their used & crusty ex husbands, but I think for my age group, that’s a “No, thank you”!

I guess that means, it’s back to the drawing board for me then, and whilst I have yet to try some of the other, non online forms of dating, such a speed dating and latin dance dating, then I think I might take a break from the online dating world; just for a while anyway.

Always keen to hear your experiences as always; particularly if you have been worn down by the initial allure of online dating?

Yours Truly

A.R.T