Tag Archives: peaceandjoy

Why every single woman needs a Diggler, in their life.

In the search for Mr Right, or Mr Right Now, it is important to remember, and make time for the other important (and often useful) people in your life.

Shirtless working man

In the search for Mr Right, or Mr Right Now, it is important to remember, and make time for the other important (and often useful) people in your life.

I know what you’re thinking; Dirk Diggler and the movie about John Holmes of Boogie Nights fame, with his extraordinary … umm appeal … well your wrong.

I have what every single woman needs or wants, and should most definitely have; that’s a Mr Fix it who, in my case so happens to be named Dirk. So the name association with Diggler, is really just a coincidence, and only popped into my head when I thought of this story title … I have never watched a Dirk Diggler movie … or atleast, have no recollection of ever doing so.

So, now that we are clear on that part, I think every single woman needs a male friend like Dirk, whom I will affectionately refer to as DD in this article.  

Why you ask, do we need a DD then, if he’s not actually a Dirk Diggler?

Until this weekend, I didn’t realise how lucky I was to have my very own DD. Not only has my DD been a great friend to have throughout my single years, he’s always been there to;

  • Remind me that I’m okay when I’m down and out.
  • Wine and Dine with me, when I’m feeling up and out.
  • Do all the manly things we all need doing and have to begrudgingly admit our ex used to, or fail to do …

NOW, a DD doesn’t have to be an ex boyfriend or potential lover. In fact you don’t want him to be any of those because, well, we all know what happens if you get mixed up with an ex again. Imagine then if you slept with your DD, and let’s just say his personal tool box wasn’t as well … diversified, as the one he carries in his car: then who would you call?

So a great mate he is, and lucky for me, my DD was already in a long-term, loving relationship. Therefore there was never any chance of his tools getting mislaid … because I believe in the sisterhood.

Admittedly, I made damn sure that our friendship was sustained throughout my romantic relationships, no matter how jealous my ex would get at times, therefore this DD didn’t just drop out of the sky when I broke up. He’s been in my life for more than 10 years.

I also don’t want to limit your thoughts on this DD’s to that of just the tool-shed. This is every woman’s dream man, as he can do more than one thing at a time, yes that’s right ladies … he’s multi-talented, and therefore an even greater threat to his own species.

This is a man that can not only erect, I mean, assemble a piece of furniture in a flash, but likes to eat good food and drink fine wine at the hippest restaurants and wine bars, across town.

But if this isn’t enough to make you salivate with jealousy at my joyous freedom and helping man hand: this DD has a mother, who struggled through life as a single parent too. Thus the man has empathy, which – as we all may know, is very often the missing chip.

So he gets my plight and knows everything there is to know about women’s health too … god love those of us who raise boys to understand women!

Of course having him there for all this, plus to provide me with a male’s perspective on all my single life/dating woes, well need I say more!

The moral of my story is: you must keep your friends near and dear, this includes male friends, because if the ship sinks in the middle of the Atlantic, then you want to make sure you have a good strong friend with an oar in hand, to be at your rescue.

Though this is my story, I am always keen to hear if any of you have a similar story about a DD, or equivalent fabulous male in your lives.

Yours truly,

A.R.T

Opening Your Eyes – From a Different Perspective

When someone saw me being friendly with my ex at my daughters sports game a few weekends ago, they commented “Oooh … you two looked very friendly.  Has he met anyone else and do you think he wants you back? “  I responded with, “Yeah, he’d want me back alright, just so he could plan my death better next time around!”

Okay, so maybe I didn’t say that, but I certainly thought it, as seriously, my relationship with my ex got so bad at one point, I remember saying to my sister when we were heading off on a sailing vacation once;

“If I suddenly go missing overboard on this holiday, you know he pushed me right!”

So trust me when I say, I have no candles burning in my house for my ex, however what I don’t have is bitterness or hatred, as I believe what happens in the past, should stay in the past.  However that doesn’t mean you can’t learn from the past, and that’s what today’s story is all about.

When I think back about my ex and my relationship, it was mostly  a pretty shitty one, that ended on no less than shitty terms, especially after a three year court battle. However we did share some magical moments, including the birth of our beautiful daughter, who always seems to help us bond, even still today.  So life, is now somewhat harmonious between us, mainly for her sake of course, but also because we have both been able to emotionally move on.

However being able to understand why things happen in a relationship, even if in hindsight, helps us learn from our mistakes and hopefully become a better person.  Whilst I thought most of my lessons had been learnt, this week I discovered, there were still more to come.

This revelation came to me following a holiday mishap, which resulted in my daughter and I being placed in a destination, that I was last seen at with my ex, an exclusive playground, for the rich and infamous.  So in order to reduce the stress of the transportation mishap, I decided to stay there the night, which ended up costing me double what I initially budgeted for, in holiday costs.

This little misfortune got me thinking about the crux of what my ex and I would argue about, which was money mostly; and had me questioning my own perceptions of this and my once frivolous view of it all.  I started to wonder how strongly I held on to my beliefs back then, or should I say my ego, and what difference it would have made had I tried to view things differently, without the ego!

I think most of us understand that the  ego is the cause of ALL great conflicts, don’t we?  So I wonder, if we were more able to shift our perception during the course of an argument, by putting our ego on hold, even if for a moment; what would actually ensue?

“Everybody has their perceptions of life. Who’s is more more important, is what we tend to argue about.”

I have spent the last 5 years analysing all the things I have done in my past relationships, the last one being first and foremost in mind: as that was probably one of my worst, whilst also being one of my greatest. Seeing life from your partners perspective, can change the way you view the world and could shift the ground on which you firmly stand.

So this little holiday mishap I experienced during the week, taught me another life lesson. In fact I would even go so far as to say it was a light bulb moment.  I finally realised why we argued so much, and if I had of shifted my perspective a little, things could have been different today.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to, or expect it would have changed our path, as we were equally as strong willed and stubborn as one another.  However a bit of perspective changing from both sides might have done us both a world of good.

Either way, it’s another good life lesson we can learn from, and as I tweeted this week:

“If you close and open your eyes with a different perspective, you understand what is going on a whole lot better.”

So life is a journey, and if we choose to learn from the lessons provided on that journey, then we can grow into better people; and hopefully take those lessons into our next relationship, with peace and happiness in our heart.

As always, happy to hear your perspective.  So please feel free to comment below if you have experienced an epiphany like this, at one time or another in your life.

Yours truly

A.R.T

Everything You Want Is On The Other Side of Fear

I was inspired to write this post today, after seeing through my own experience, that sometimes we need to take great risk, in order to seek greater rewards. That could be in the form of a;

  • financial risk,
  • the risk of love,
  • the change in career
  • or with a current relationship or dating experience.

For me, this came in many forms with the two most significant to date being; leaving my last long term relationship and the risk I took when I decided to back myself, follow my passions and refashion my career.

Creative expression has become my new career, and it is fast becoming my greatest passion.  Although it doesn’t always come easy, I love it more than any corporate or other job I’ve held.

It helps too, that I was inspired by my creative spirit and seeing such esteemed folk like The Robert Evans, ex head of paramount pictures and movie producer extraordinaire, with a list of films a mile long, not least including “Love Story” and “The God Father”, following me on Twitter from day 4. That’s when I knew I was doing something right!

Last fortnight he quite pertinently wrote this in one of his tweets:

 

 

“So I honour your foresight Sir Evans. The vision you had to push through your own adversity and become as successful as you are still today is admirable. I thank you for believing in me too.”

Now, I guess you may be asking yourself, what has this got to do with dating, love and relationships?

It has everything to do with it. The decision to follow your passions, trust in the people who believe in you, and most importantly, trust your instinct: means you can overcome your fear of failure and be generally more content with life.

This I believe will give you a better chance at meeting someone that’s right for you, and if I was to admit to learning anything from my yoga practise, it would be:

“You can be whoever you want to be, as long as you stay in the present, and don’t let fear overcome you.”

Quote re Fear

 

“NAMASTE”

Yours truly

A.R.T