Tag Archives: romance

Four Ways To Lose a Woman’s Trust.

I just read this article on the The Good Men Project. Whilst the title of the story grabbed my attention, the content really struck a cord. The author, a single father, blogger and radio presenter known as Showtime, not only opens his story with a great quote, but he closes it with this equally powerful quote.

Lets begin to open our eyes and walk with a spirit of trustworthiness in our relationships.

I liked all four of his points made in this article, and although they are all equally as important as the other, I have bolded what I thought, were the most critical aspects of the issues he raises here.

______________________

1. Talk Down To Her or Belittle Her

A lot of times the things that we say have harsher consequences to those that we are speaking to than the things that we actually do.  How can you expect to be respected in a healthy relationship when the woman can’t even trust you with her feelings and emotions?  The focus of your words should be to uplift and empower her, not to make her feel small or insignificant.  Two things in life that you can’t take back are the stone after its been thrown, and the words after they have been said. Once a woman sees that you are not compassionate and mindful of her feelings she is going to automatically begin to shut down and lose the emotional connection that you shared.

2.  Be Inconsistent

There is nothing that screams dishonesty to a woman more than an inconsistent man.  If you say you are going to do something, do it! If you say you are going to be somewhere, get there! If you say that you know what you want, you better find a way to prove it.  Many times our words don’t match our actions.  We can say one thing today, and by tomorrow we are doing something totally different.  This is a red flag to many women because when they see the inconsistency factor within you they have make the decision that you are not the one to give them the things that they need in a relationship.

3.  Not Communicating Effectively 

You can’t expect to get anywhere in your relationship if there is a lapse in your communication.  The quickest way to end a relationship is by stonewalling and not tackling issues head on.  Making the assumption that someone knows what you are thinking before you tell them is hardly the best way to sustain an emotional connection.  We have to be sure that we are outright while saying what we mean and meaning what we say. This form of unmitigated communication can help us avoid a world of trouble within our relationship if we just take a moment and say what is on our mind.

Also, don’t think that communication is only about how well you speak.  You must also listen with the same intent as you talk.  Don’t just hear what she is saying, allow her words to penetrate your mind and take every word in.  The last thing that a woman wants is to feel like she isn’t being taken serious because you aren’t listening to the things that she says about the matters that she feels are important. –

4. Not Putting Her Needs Before Your Wants

Having the desire to want things to go our way is simple human nature. Most of us want things to go according to our plan because we feel like if they don’t we may be in jeopardy of losing something important. But what happens when you get so caught up in what you want that you forget about what the woman needs?  Many times we allow our desire for certain situations to go in our favor to outweigh our impact of  meeting the needs of the person we care about.  One of the major factors in true love is selflessness. Sometimes you have to walk away from the things that you want in order for the person that you love to get what they need.  Once both individuals begin to project a true spirit of selflessness within the relationships the trust factor will come easily because both people will understand that its no longer about me, but all about we.

Lets begin to open our eyes and walk with a spirit of trustworthiness in our relationships.  That way we can eliminate all of those unnecessary that are holding us back from having the happiness that we deserve.  Give up those things taht are preventing us from growing so that you can be the man that she needs you to be.

______________________

If you want to see the full article, including the opening and closing paragraphs omitted here, then please Click Here  – to go to the good men project

Alternatively, you can find the original story on the http://www.thesinglefathersblog.com/4-ways-to-lose-a-womans-trust/

Yours Truly

A.R.T

 

 

Opening Your Eyes – From a Different Perspective

When someone saw me being friendly with my ex at my daughters sports game a few weekends ago, they commented “Oooh … you two looked very friendly.  Has he met anyone else and do you think he wants you back? “  I responded with, “Yeah, he’d want me back alright, just so he could plan my death better next time around!”

Okay, so maybe I didn’t say that, but I certainly thought it, as seriously, my relationship with my ex got so bad at one point, I remember saying to my sister when we were heading off on a sailing vacation once;

“If I suddenly go missing overboard on this holiday, you know he pushed me right!”

So trust me when I say, I have no candles burning in my house for my ex, however what I don’t have is bitterness or hatred, as I believe what happens in the past, should stay in the past.  However that doesn’t mean you can’t learn from the past, and that’s what today’s story is all about.

When I think back about my ex and my relationship, it was mostly  a pretty shitty one, that ended on no less than shitty terms, especially after a three year court battle. However we did share some magical moments, including the birth of our beautiful daughter, who always seems to help us bond, even still today.  So life, is now somewhat harmonious between us, mainly for her sake of course, but also because we have both been able to emotionally move on.

However being able to understand why things happen in a relationship, even if in hindsight, helps us learn from our mistakes and hopefully become a better person.  Whilst I thought most of my lessons had been learnt, this week I discovered, there were still more to come.

This revelation came to me following a holiday mishap, which resulted in my daughter and I being placed in a destination, that I was last seen at with my ex, an exclusive playground, for the rich and infamous.  So in order to reduce the stress of the transportation mishap, I decided to stay there the night, which ended up costing me double what I initially budgeted for, in holiday costs.

This little misfortune got me thinking about the crux of what my ex and I would argue about, which was money mostly; and had me questioning my own perceptions of this and my once frivolous view of it all.  I started to wonder how strongly I held on to my beliefs back then, or should I say my ego, and what difference it would have made had I tried to view things differently, without the ego!

I think most of us understand that the  ego is the cause of ALL great conflicts, don’t we?  So I wonder, if we were more able to shift our perception during the course of an argument, by putting our ego on hold, even if for a moment; what would actually ensue?

“Everybody has their perceptions of life. Who’s is more more important, is what we tend to argue about.”

I have spent the last 5 years analysing all the things I have done in my past relationships, the last one being first and foremost in mind: as that was probably one of my worst, whilst also being one of my greatest. Seeing life from your partners perspective, can change the way you view the world and could shift the ground on which you firmly stand.

So this little holiday mishap I experienced during the week, taught me another life lesson. In fact I would even go so far as to say it was a light bulb moment.  I finally realised why we argued so much, and if I had of shifted my perspective a little, things could have been different today.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to, or expect it would have changed our path, as we were equally as strong willed and stubborn as one another.  However a bit of perspective changing from both sides might have done us both a world of good.

Either way, it’s another good life lesson we can learn from, and as I tweeted this week:

“If you close and open your eyes with a different perspective, you understand what is going on a whole lot better.”

So life is a journey, and if we choose to learn from the lessons provided on that journey, then we can grow into better people; and hopefully take those lessons into our next relationship, with peace and happiness in our heart.

As always, happy to hear your perspective.  So please feel free to comment below if you have experienced an epiphany like this, at one time or another in your life.

Yours truly

A.R.T

Are Virtual Relationships Healthy?

Robert Weiss wrote an article for the online magazine, Psychology Today, where he talks about virtual relationships. The parallels he draws from the movie Her, in which he describes the real emotions that are felt during such virtual relationships, is pretty spot on, and from my experience it’s real and happening today.
 

So if you do get the chance to read the full article, I highly recommend it. (Click here to read the full article on Psychologytoday.com) 

Otherwise, here are some excerpts of what I think summarises the digital relationship choice really well. Although I would beg to differ in one area, which is that it mainly only applies to the younger folk.  I have met three men in six months that have chosen to have digital relationships, and some that still are; and they are all 43+.  So it isn’t just happening to the younger folk, it’s a growing phenomena effecting us all!

 
Her is Happening Already!
 
While some older folks (digital immigrants) might find this bizarre, younger people typically do not. For them, digital life and real-world life are merely two sides of the same coin, each to be enjoyed, nurtured, and cherished, with neither side more real, more important, or more meaningful than the other.
 
So interacting on an emotional level with a perfectly matched digital creation, as occurs in Her,may not be as far-fetched as many people might think. Nevertheless, Theodore, who sits on the cusp of the digital native/digital immigrant divide, wrestles mightily with the “What is real?” dilemma. In fact, his internal debate on this topic forms the crux of movie.

Further down, Robert wraps up the article with a few very important closing paragraphs. I have bolded the reduction in emotional challenges and increase in control as I believe this is a very real reason for some people to choose digital interactions, over Real Life! 

Are Virtual Relationships Healthy?

Right about now some readers may be wondering about the future of humanity, thinking that if we’re all running around being sexual with avatars and robots and operating systems instead of each other, not much actual procreation will take place.

That, of course, is a rather extreme viewpoint. In actuality, no matter how real technology becomes most emotionally healthy people will eventually find digital/robotic relationships unfulfilling, growing bored with them and longing for the pairing of emotional intimacy with physical intimacy that (as of now) can only be found in the real world with real people. And we should definitely not forget that today, thanks to technological advances, people are able to meet and to develop relationships in new and exciting ways, which actually makes real-world romances more rather than less likely.

 That said, at least a few folks have already opted for tech-sex over IRL encounters, preferring the reduction in emotional challenges and the increase in control that digital interactions provide. And as sexnology improves and proliferates, our expectations of sex and romance will also evolve. Is it possible that at some point real people may not be able to keep pace? Maybe, but only time will tell.

 

Yours Truly

A.R.T.