Life before Online dating (B.C) for me consisted of loitering at my local coffee shop, after school drop off and asking the boys, “So have I missed Monday Matt?”.
Most of the boys at my local coffee shop are part of what I would call the YHB club (Young Hot Bodies) – Its the tricks of the coffee shop trade I think, to employ only young hot assistants to attract all the Yummy Mummies. In fact I am sure when they advertise for their newbies, they run ads like this;
Job Ad: Coffee Shop Assistant
Mike, who happens to be just past the age of an official YHB club member, however is certainly not lacking in his physical achievements of this, is also a single dad: currently working his way through a messy divorce … haven’t we all done that at least once in our life?
So he gets all the 30 and 40 something yummies, those with kids in tow looking for the elusive Mr Right. He himself is trying to find Miss Right but with two young kids, and a very unhappy ex wife, he’s not getting anywhere fast offline (Tinder is next cab off the rank).
Mike has been a willing cohort in my quest to find Mr. Right. In fact, he goes so far as to shout out “Hey Tinderella”, cocking his head in the general direction of what he thinks I may deem as a fine looking fella unsuspectingly ordering their coffee. Therefore it is no surprise to Mike that I only come in at 8am on a Monday mornings to get a glimpse of Monday Matt.
So his response to my earlier question, “Oh you mean tall Matt … Nah, I don’t think he’s come in yet. Take a seat, I will tell you when he comes in” … said in his typical Detroit twang. “Good”, I say as I smile and make myself comfortable awaiting my weekly moment of voyeuristic pleasure.
You see, Monday Matt is at least 6ft 3inches tall, athletically fit (not like the YHB’s but good enough), I am guessing early 40’s, with a handsomely structured face and thick head of black hair, that would leave most men with hair envy. In fact when I first saw him at the cafe, some 8 months prior, I must have gawked at him the whole time wondering: where and how he existed in this neighbourhood without me noticing him prior to now!
Monday Matt is exactly the type of Mr Right, that all single women of my age group are vying for. However, even with all my bravado in the online dating world, I still can’t muster up the courage to say Boo to him! I guess it’s lucky I haven’t, otherwise I probably wouldn’t be here right now – blogging about this to you? So even the courageous Tinderella, who has been a non stop braggart about my online dating success, is reduced to a gutless mute in the face of someone handsome.
When you meet someone offline, there is of course the very obvious benefit of being able to make eye contact with them, but what if that person rejects your eye advances? In an article I read from S.E. Sever called “Can You Read Faces” – the author says;
Our pupils are like constantly gossiping neighbours over whom we have no control. They constitute a great deal of our non-verbal communication, announcing our feelings to whoever might be standing close by.
I can tell you now, my pupils are like Dorothy Evans, they keep no secrets and have the ability to make even me feel uncomfortable with myself in the mirror at times. But it does seem like I am not alone in this thought, as even Monday Matt, who looks to be equally bashful, is often caught looking at me whilst I am not looking at him, only to shyly look away when I eventually do look back. I can’t begin to tell you how many times I must have sat there, trying to muster up the courage to say something … anything in fact … that could turn that awkward moment of eye contact, into something more than just a weekly eye dalliance. After all, he does keep turning up at the same time – same place – every week!
This is no doubt though why I, and I dare say the majority of us feeble humans, prefer to use online dating to that of traditional courtship: because we are all in fear of rejection. In one of my recommending reading articles that I posted last week called, “How I Learnt to Stop Worrying and Love Tinder“. The author starts the article, very aptly with this comment:
FORGET that fear of romantic rejection after busting your big moves in the bar — these days, you don’t even need to know you’re being rejected.
Noooo … go away!
So when I look up and smile coyly at Monday Matt, I know it’s because in my offline world, my traditionalist view haunts me like Demi Moore’s character in the movie “Ghost”. That old adage of when man-meets-woman then man-should-approach-woman-first kicks in and henceforth, I end up in no mans land with the very man I want to be on the court with. This by the way, is so typical of what happens to me in real life. When I am properly attracted to a guy, then I am besieged with the fear of incapable of mutterings, and therefore don’t utter a single word. I mean, heaven forbid, how would I feel if I were to try and talk to him, and he either;
a) Didn’t respond – instead just nodded and smiled … sheer horror would ensue, leaving me with no other option but to find a new cafe to loiter at on a Monday morning.
b) If he did actually respond – I would be rendered uselessness by his sheer acknowledgement and could not utter a sensible word other than hello … I can just hear myself stuttering even that now.
So online dating for me is a safe bet, and as the founders of Tinder (my online app of choice – at this current point in time), recently said in their interview with the The Australian Newspaper on the weekend:
“the only way that anyone will ever know that you’ve right-swiped them on Tinder, is if they right-swipe you in return. This is known as a “double opt-in”.
Begone then was my fear of rejection, and out came A Real Tinderella: Sassy, Witty, Beautiful and clever as all hell, to be able to attract so many mates with just the swipe of my right finger. But is all this bravado, just us camouflaging our fear of rejection from the personal experience of offline dating? And what happens when you do meet someone offline – that you may have met online first, but just happens to be dishier than his online profile: how do you react? If you’re like me, you act like a blubbering idiot that’s how you react … as I did the other day when I met a dishy Tinderfella offline!
This then leads me to ask you these three questions;
- Is it just me, or are we all like this when we make eye contact with a hottie somewhere in real life?
- Have you ever met someone offline, from your online experience that’s better in real life?
- Does your tongue get stuck to the roof of your mouth – like mine in an offline situation – or are you as brave offline as you are online?
Happy to read your comments – even if only to say you are equally tragic and a voyeuristic coffee junkie like me!
A Real Tinderella