Tag Archives: tinder

Life Before Online dating (B.C.) and Monday Matt.

Life before Online dating (B.C) for me consisted of loitering at my local coffee shop, after school drop off and asking the boys, “So have I missed Monday Matt?”.

Most of the boys at my local coffee shop are part of what I would call the YHB club (Young Hot Bodies) – Its the tricks of the coffee shop trade I think, to employ only young hot assistants to attract all the Yummy Mummies. In fact I am sure when they advertise for their newbies, they run ads like this;

Job Ad: Coffee Shop Assistant

Coffee-shop-assistant-required Hot-man

Mike, who happens to be just past the age of an official YHB club member, however is certainly not lacking in his physical achievements of this, is also a single dad: currently working his way through a messy divorce … haven’t we all done that at least once in our life?

So he gets all the 30 and 40 something yummies, those with kids in tow looking for the elusive Mr Right.  He himself is trying to find Miss Right but with two young kids, and a very unhappy ex wife, he’s not getting anywhere fast offline (Tinder is next cab off the rank).

Mike has been a willing cohort in my quest to find Mr. Right. In fact, he goes so far as to shout out “Hey Tinderella”, cocking his head in the general direction of what he thinks I may deem as a fine looking fella unsuspectingly ordering their coffee.  Therefore it is no surprise to Mike that I only come in at 8am on a Monday mornings to get a glimpse of Monday Matt.

So his response to my earlier question, “Oh you mean tall Matt … Nah, I don’t think he’s come in yet.  Take a seat, I will tell you when he comes in” … said in his typical Detroit twang.   “Good”, I say as I smile and make myself comfortable awaiting my weekly moment of voyeuristic pleasure.

You see, Monday Matt is at least 6ft 3inches tall, athletically fit (not like the YHB’s but good enough), I am guessing early 40’s, with a handsomely structured face and thick head of black hair, that would leave most men with hair envy.  In fact when I first saw him at the cafe, some 8 months prior, I must have gawked at him the whole time wondering: where and how he existed in this neighbourhood without me noticing him prior to now!

Monday Matt is exactly the type of Mr Right, that all single women of my age group are vying for.  However, even with all my bravado in the online dating world, I still can’t muster up the courage to say Boo to him!  I guess it’s lucky I haven’t, otherwise I probably wouldn’t be here right now – blogging about this to you?  So even the courageous Tinderella, who has been a non stop braggart about my online dating success, is reduced to a gutless mute in the face of someone handsome.

When you meet someone offline, there is of course the very obvious benefit of being able to make eye contact with them, but what if that person rejects your eye advances?  In an article I read from S.E. Sever called “Can You Read Faces” – the author says;

Our pupils are like constantly gossiping neighbours over whom we have no control.  They constitute a great deal of our non-verbal communication, announcing our feelings to whoever might be standing close by.

I can tell you now, my pupils are like Dorothy Evans, they keep no secrets and have the ability to make even me feel uncomfortable with myself in the mirror at times.  But it does seem like I am not alone in this thought, as even Monday Matt, who looks to be equally bashful, is often caught looking at me whilst I am not looking at him, only to shyly look away when I eventually do look back.  I can’t begin to tell you how many times I must have sat there, trying to muster up the courage to say something … anything in fact … that could turn that awkward moment of eye contact, into something more than just a weekly eye dalliance.  After all, he does keep turning up at the same time – same place – every week!

This is no doubt though why I, and I dare say the majority of us feeble humans, prefer to use online dating to that of traditional courtship: because we are all in fear of rejection.  In one of my recommending reading articles that I posted last week called, “How I Learnt to Stop Worrying and Love Tinder“.  The author starts the article, very aptly with this comment:

FORGET that fear of romantic rejection after busting your big moves in the bar — these days, you don’t even need to know you’re being rejected.

Noooo … go away!

rejected-3

So when I look up and smile coyly at Monday Matt, I know it’s because in my offline world, my traditionalist view haunts me like Demi Moore’s character in the movie “Ghost”.  That old adage of when man-meets-woman then man-should-approach-woman-first kicks in and henceforth, I end up in no mans land with the very man I want to be on the court with.  This by the way, is so typical of what happens to me in real life.  When I am properly attracted to a guy, then I am besieged with the fear of incapable of mutterings, and therefore don’t utter a single word.  I mean, heaven forbid, how would I feel if I were to try and talk to him, and he either;

a) Didn’t respond – instead just nodded and smiled … sheer horror would ensue, leaving me with no other option but to find a new cafe to loiter at on a Monday morning.

OR

b) If he did actually respond – I would be rendered uselessness by his sheer acknowledgement and could not utter a sensible word other than hello … I can just hear myself stuttering even that now. 

So online dating for me is a safe bet, and as the founders of Tinder (my online app of choice – at this current point in time), recently said in their interview with the The Australian Newspaper on the weekend:

“the only way that anyone will ever know that you’ve right-swiped them on Tinder, is if they right-swipe you in return.  This is known as a “double opt-in”.

(Link to article – Tinder: the app that’s setting the dating scene on fire) 

Begone then was my fear of rejection, and out came A Real Tinderella:  Sassy, Witty, Beautiful and clever as all hell, to be able to attract so many mates with just the swipe of my right finger.  But is all this bravado, just us camouflaging our fear of rejection from the personal experience of offline dating? And what happens when you do meet someone offline – that you may have met online first, but just happens to be dishier than his online profile: how do you react?  If you’re like me, you act like a blubbering idiot that’s how you react … as I did the other day when I met a dishy Tinderfella offline!

This then leads me to ask you these three questions;

  1. Is it just me, or are we all like this when we make eye contact with a hottie somewhere in real life? 
  2. Have you ever met someone offline, from your online experience that’s better in real life?  
  3. Does your tongue get stuck to the roof of your mouth – like mine in an offline situation – or are you as brave offline as you are online?

Happy to read your comments – even if only to say you are equally tragic and a voyeuristic coffee junkie like me!

 

Yours Truly

 

A Real Tinderella

Online Dating Textiquette

The past four weeks of Tinderversing has forced me to develop a whole new skill set around text etiquette, or “textiquette” as I like to call it, and it has been fine tuned especially to manage online dating.  So I often get asked, “What do you think should be the online dating text etiquette and who should text or email who first, the male or female?”

Whilst text etiquette has been a long standing topic on all of the online dating forums, I think the Tinder phenomenon has everyone talking about what the do’s and don’ts of Tinderversing should really be!

I view online dating text etiquette the same way we should all of our online communication, which is there should be no shortcuts.  Take your time to write your message, whether it be an opening line or in response to someone else’s text.  In my eyes, putting some effort into your communications goes a lot further than coming out with some cliche or idiotic opening line.

The 7 do’s and don’ts of Textiquette.

mobile-phone-text-etiquette

 

Maybe then we could start with who should message whom first?

Whilst writing this story, I researched various articles on this very topic, as I wanted to know what others thought about my approach – which is to happily throw out an opening line via text to someone with whom I have matched.  It seems this approach is the right one to have based on the research I have done.  One of my first few Twitter followers, Dr. Christie Hartman (@DenverDatingDr), sums this whole subject up perfectly in her article, Online Dating, 6 Reasons To Make The First Move.

Dr. Hartman says many things to support the view that it’s okay for women to make the first move.  She even goes so far as to say

“Not only is it okay to email men when dating online, it’s a useful tactic.”  She also states the obvious which is, “Many women often believe that if a man were ‘truly’ interested, he would make his move. While this is true in many scenarios, that rationale doesn’t fly online. Why? Men have literally thousands of profiles to comb through…”

All the points she makes in this article ring very true to me. Not only does it make sense in our modern dating society, but it’s really very important to show a man you are interested too, just like you would if you made eye contact with him in a crowded bar, as Dr. Hartman mentioned in her article.

Now that we’ve covered some ground on who should go first, let’s discuss some of the opening lines I have come across, and why some of them are just soooo wrong!

You may be familiar with my series of Tweet’s titled “Dear Ted” (I think in hindsight I should have titled them “Ted Talks!” Damn, missed that opportunity, or did I?)  Seriously though, in that series of Tweets, I didn’t share Ted’s opening line to me, which was none other than “Hello Sexy.”  I have had others that were even worse, including “Hello Hot Chops” and “What you up to tonight?”.

I suppose that’s what set me off on my Twitter binge of “Ted Talks” – please allow me to refer to it as that, just for this article!   Maybe because it was a stark reminder of why so many of my female friends are too afraid to join the online dating world, and would rather sit in a dark closet alone than face the Teds of this world.

None of this, by the way, would even be a discussion if it weren’t for all the Tinderfellas I meet asking me what my opinion of the textiquette is, and if I am too describe the worst of them it would be Ted.  His little opener was not only dumb, but too suggestive and the equivalent to a guy in a bar coming up with some cheesy pickup line like, “Did u just come out of the oven, cuz u r hot!” … I shit you not, this sort of stuff happens to me when out, hence my move to online dating.  Easier to Tinderblock a man online than in a bar!

So if a guy, or even a girl for that matter (playing devil’s advocate here), has made very little effort to communicate with you in his/her opening line, or subsequent messages, then you should probably just Tinderblock them (my favourite term of the week).

I think it might be Tinderblock time!

Modern dating funny cartoon

 

I think this is what I was trying to demonstrate with those Ted tweets.  Ted’s lack of effort and suggestive texts were not helping him win friends and influence people.

If and when you do write to a potential match, I would always keep it present and try and make reference to something in their profile pictures, for example;

Say they have a photo of them skydiving, you might want to include something like – “You look like a bit of an adventurer, assume that is you free falling out of that plane?”

I know I am not alone in this thinking, as there are many articles out there saying essentially the same thing, but at least you have my added perspective of the online dating textiquette, which I’ve summarized below.

 A Real Tinderella’s Textiquette Tips

  1. It’s okay for a woman to initiate the conversation in online dating.
  2. Start your conversation by referencing something in their profile picture.
  3. Don’t use cliche or cheap one liners.
  4. And don’t take shortcuts in your conversation.

Not rocket science I know, just a bit of modern day courtesy and common sense really.  And remember, if all else fails… there is always Tinderblock!

Happy texting!

 

Yours Truly

 

A Real Tinderella