Tag Archives: womenanddating

How I Ditched Online Dating and Learnt to flirt

Theo Merz wrote this very funny article for SMH back in February this year; but it couldn’t be more relative to me right now, with my own story of being worn down by Online Dating.

Here’s are the first two introductory paragraphs from Theo’s article.  

When a friend mentioned the ‘flirt walk’ she had gone on the week before, I was intrigued. Ok Cupid, with its algorithm to match you up to potential partners; sure. Tinder, which removes any possibility of rejection from the act of seduction – great. An organised walking tour around the streets of London looking to meet prospective partners in person? It all seemed so quaint and inefficient.

But the more I thought about it, the more sense it made.There’s something a bit Rime of the Ancient Mariner about being single in London, or any other big city – people, people everywhere but nobody to have a flirtatious conversation with on the morning commute – which no number of matchmaking sites can make up for. And with every unattached man and woman in the Western World on some form of online dating, it seemed about time for a backlash.

Click here to read the remaining paragraphs of this article. 

 

Happy Reading

Yours Truly

A.R.T

Online Dating: Does It Eventually Wear You Down?

In my earlier years of singledom, when I wasn’t fending off the 30’s somethings, who were clearly looking to either snag a cougar or gain a mother figure, I was trying to work out where all the 40 something’s played.  Having a major aversion to online dating (after a pathetic attempt at it in the early stages of my separation), I finally mustered the courage to rejoin the ranks this year, starting with eHarmony then the ever so popular Tinder App.

Now to my surprise there were many other 40 something males playing in the same playground, especially on Tinder. In fact, eHarmony was so scant of any good quality anything, that I gave up on it after only 6 weeks … what a total waste of time and money that was!

So Tinder it was, however, after over 3 months of Tinderversing, I finally got to break point, where I desperately needed a rest from the Dog and Pony show of online dating. In the article I posted by Susan Winters last week, she talks about “Dating 98 men in 9 months”, and concludes it’s just not for her. Well I guess I have now come to that same conclusion.

When I first joined Tinder, a few of my male friends had warned me that this would happen. They said “you get sick of it after a while”.

When I asked why, they said “well you often don’t get to meet “The One”, more just the “The One – for Fun”; or if you’re lucky, you might even make a good friend out of it, but don’t expect to meet Mr Right here”.

So after a few months of starting, stopping and swapping conversations, I realised they were right.  Whilst the numbers were there in droves, the quality of the people I found on Tinder, were … let’s just say, less than appealing as time wore on.

It was now an effort to look, swipe and type, even with red wine and jammies for comfort. The fickle attitudes of most of the daters on this site, and their little white lies about their age or dating agenda, just became too hard to stomach.

Is this what they have warned me about, when you reach Online Dating Fatigue?

Don’t get me wrong, I met some really lovely people on Tinder, and even managed to have a 6 week affair with one, who was living and working here on a temporary visa.  However soon after that ended, due to a conflict in our dating agenda’s, I realised I didn’t have the gumption to continue the charade of looking for someone online anymore.

My experience however wasn’t fruitless, as I got to see how one of the worlds fastest growing online dating sites actually worked, and whilst it was fun for a while, the less than authentic daters wore me down.

So where too now, you might ask?

Well that’s anyone’s guess, but maybe I should take on the advice of the beautiful Stephanie Simons, who only recently launched her book, “All’s Fair In Love and Wardrobe”.  Here she provides us with the rules on Fashion and Dating; and even includes some interesting ideas, such as that of Rule 35:

Whilst this certainly made me LMAO, as I could just imagine a bunch of yummy mummies, still looking fab with their yoga trim bodies, trying to give away their used & crusty ex husbands, but I think for my age group, that’s a “No, thank you”!

I guess that means, it’s back to the drawing board for me then, and whilst I have yet to try some of the other, non online forms of dating, such a speed dating and latin dance dating, then I think I might take a break from the online dating world; just for a while anyway.

Always keen to hear your experiences as always; particularly if you have been worn down by the initial allure of online dating?

Yours Truly

A.R.T

Modern Dating: Is It Just a Dog and Pony Show?

I found yet another brilliant article written by Susan Winters that I wanted to share with you all. It’s called 9 Months 98 Men, Here’s What I Learned, where Susan describes, in her own experience, what it feels like to truly put yourself on the dating line. I couldn’t agree with her more, and as per usual, Susan shows great insight into the real issues with modern dating, from my perspective too!

Two of my favorite paragraphs from Susan’s article

I have a colleague who’s a dating expert. She teaches the art of flirting in order to capture a man’s attention. I don’t want art. I want to meet a man organically in an environment where I can be myself and interact naturally.

Modern Dating: Courtesy of Womensday.com.au

modern-dating-rules

I’ve consistently found my own way to partnership without all this nonsense. I’m not brilliant. I don’t have “game.” But I know who I am. I love easily and effortlessly. I find more to admire in a man than not. I have few complaints as I see more of what’s good in a man than what’s bad. The men who’ve shared my life have moved easily from a first date (or initial meeting) to a natural form of ongoing connection. It’s been fluid and comfortable.

 

Click here to read the full article. 

 

An exceptionally great read,

Yours truly

A.R.T