It Takes Two To Tango In Sex, But How Do You Establish That Connection?

This is always an interesting subject that manages to get nearly everyone’s attention. Especially so, when we are talking about connection, and whether it’s necessary with the person you are currently having, or intend to have sex with.

Inspired nearly always by discussions with friends and foes; it was during a conversation I had with my girlfriend yesterday, when we were talking about life after marriage, and in particular how you ‘meet a man’ then build enough chemistry to want to sleep with them.

“The meeting of men is easy, the tricky part is building the connection – in order to have the desired chemistry – needed to have ‘great sex’“.

I explained; “Whilst I have had a just ‘over a couple’ of one night stands, throughout the course of my 25+ years as a consenting adult, none of which were any where near fulfilling; and all of which I can categorically say, were to help me get over a lost love.”

So she then asked, “How do you establish the ‘connection‘ with a man you’ve just met, and exactly how long does it take, to find this ‘connection‘ before you want to jump in the sack?”

“Well, the ‘how long it takes’ is purely up to you” I said. “Every individual is different, and it sometimes comes down to your personal belief system, or religious morals, to determine exactly how long it should take.”

The important part is”… I continued; “it should be when you feel ‘close enough’, or ‘ready’ to share more than just a conversation about oral hygiene or grooming habits” … my joke, hygiene and grooming habits always seem to come up in my pre sex conversations.

So speaking purely now, from my own perspective: I can honestly say that my physicality has often driven most men to distraction.  However, I have somehow managed to get at least a 4 week lead time out of my longer term relationships, some even longer, depending on circumstances.

So why is lead time so important?

Well time allows for a mental connection to be developed … sorry if I sound like I am stating the obvious here: but while at first I thought this connection was only important for the women, it seems the more people I talked too across the genders, the more consistent the message. Men need a connection too!

This isn’t of course speaking for all men, and it isn’t really a surprise to me; but to some women, it may very well be.  I remember what my ex lover said during the 4 week lead up towards rolling in the hay together.

“Men need to feel connected to a women for sex to feel good, or great even, and it definitely ‘Takes Two To Tango’“.

Then today, I read an article on onegentlemansperspective.com called “the-only-rule-a-guy-needs-to-get-laid”.  To quote this particular gentlemen directly, he says; 

“Sex means nothing without that thing, which comes through a genuine connection you build with someone. Others can disagree, and believe sex without a mental connection is far greater. That is your right, but it is mine to disagree.”

I guess then, in summary of my girlfriend and my discussion.

NO, great sex doesn’t happen without establishing a connection or some feeling / chemistry prior.

As for how do you meet a man that you can have that with?

Well, that perhaps is the million dollar question, sitting on the lips of every single woman, living on this planet right now.

My experience is though: YES, you can absolutely meet someone after marriage, and develop an amazing connection that leads to great sex. However, like with all good things, it takes time and patience … lots and LOTS of patience!!!

Love to hear your comments on this, in the meantime though happy connecting.

Your’s Truly

A.R.T